day 15

drops
small tortilla
laughing cow cheese
1/2 spn of ketchup
1 slice of ham
2 cookies

how im feeling:
i let myself down a lot, and i feel like i sabotage myself. i take food as a award. today i weight myself i was actually 10lbs lost in the 15 days so far but im just so horrified of gaining the weight back which isn't much to begin with! i got pants from victoria secret size 12, but its small size, but also stretchy, and it fits great. and i felt so good, but how do i reward myself? with cookies, i just can't help it. i feel that i need to want this more. i'm pretty satisfied with my body most of the time, until i take a picture and i'm so disgusted with myself. and having a mom that would do anything to see you skinny doesn't help. i can't blame things on my mom i understand, but at least your parents are suppose to think you're good enough, and it's not the case at all.
i see the commercials for jenny craig, and weight watchers, and how skinny they look. i can never picture myself like that, idk if it's a good thing or not. but being over weight for 23 years and changing like that isn't so easy.. i feel like my dream of being a pastry chef was put in the back of my mind just because i would eat and be fat if i followed my dream, sounds kind of sick to give something up that you love so much just because of looks. ugh just frustrating..